Mind The Gap

The Mayor of the Sutherland Shire, Carol Provan is strongly opposed to a reality series being filmed in the area. Channel 10 begins filming today on their new TV series ‘The Shire’. ‘I’m just afraid they are going to paint us in a bad light’, stated Ms Provan, ‘by filming people who live here and letting them talk’. Ms Provan stated that her opposition stems mostly from the unfair criticism that exists of the Sutherland Shire and that ‘there is nothing here for the young people to do’. As a Council we are doing a lot in the area reaching out teenagers, Ms Provan stated, “for instance we’ve just built three new maternity wings”.

Former Premier Anna Bligh who resigned when her party experienced the worst election result in Australian history has been asked to return as Labor leader. “Sure it’s true that we created this disaster”, stated Ms Bligh “but this is also my time to shine”. Ms Bligh was praised for her strong and steady leadership of Queensland through deadly flooding and the disaster of Cyclone Yasi last year. “If I led so well during the worst cyclone in ten years, then I’m the right person to lead during the worst landslide in a hundred”, she stated during a press conference, which she later set on fire.

GUCCI – the highly successful global fashion house have branched out into baby fashion. Targeting celebrity parents GUCCI hopes to be the premier supplier of high end haute-couture to the under 2′s and their fashion-conscious parents. While normally the domain of retailers such as Baby-Gap, GUCCI believes kids clothing can be more glamourous and more expensive.

The other great thing about our range of clothing, says GUCCI spokesperson Gloria Fionetti is that they are made by kids for kids. We employ – not directly – a number of factories of Philippino ‘fashion creators’ who are under 10, to do the majority of our sewing and material cutting. It’s like a really cute third world Project Runway.

The GUCCI GOO range will be available this Christmas.

Rupert Grint who plays Ron Weasely in the Harry Potter movies has been treated for Swine Flu contracted while working on the latest film. Doctors also treated him for Hog Warts.

For over a decade Arthur Mankton has maintained that when he was at school there was a fellow student named Roy G. Biv. It was, he says, because of the letters of his name that Mr Mankton was able to remember the names and order of the colours of the rainbow.

Recently it has come to light that Mankton has perpetrated a fraud to both his family, friends and wider neighbourhood. His grandson revealed that he became suspicious when he was talking to Brian Jefferson, his girlfriend’s grandfather, who stated that he too attended school with Roy G. Biv.

Intrigued by this coincidence Stuart Mankton was surprised to learn that Arthur and Brian had not attended the same school. When pressed, Jefferson admitted that he was lying.

Yesterday, Stuart Mankton questioned his grandfather about his claims. “Rainbows?” he replied “Who cares, the gays own it now, anyway!”.

Controversy surrounds R&B artist B.Ezy after he released a song containing no allusions to sex.

There was no mention of ‘getting jiggy with it’, ‘slappin’ thighs’, ‘riding my pony’ or ‘freakin’.

Also flying in the face of convention, words such as ‘ride’, ‘nine’, ‘bling, bling’ and the term ‘put your hands up in the air’, were noticeably absent.

Instead his song tells a story about a quiet, young man, who occasionally has trouble talking to girls.

His album ’12 Inches of Ezy’ is available May 1st.

Nude Hanson photos disappoint thousands of teenage girls. More news here.

Principal finds 94 ecstasy tablets in 15-year-olds’ bag, rejects explanation of “stimulus package”

Federal government MP James McAvery said he felt misled the political lobby group Free Tibet, were interested in autonomy for their nation and not a group offering all-expenses trips to Asia.

Figures out this week show that one in four federal MPs have accepted free overseas travel worth hundreds of thousands of dollars from foreign governments, private companies and lobby groups in the 16 months since the last election.

Politicians from all parties have taken 109 trips overseas, often going business or first class, with the most popular country being China.

McAvery said that “it’s so common, we refer to it as going on a ‘Chinese Junket’ “.  He added “a number of  politicians have been disappointed that Free Tibet is not a junket but a political organisation, something really should be done about the ethics of this”.

Professor Albert Winston, of the University of Sydney’s Centre for Democracy predicts that change will occur. He says “we need to have clarity and transparency in the names of our lobby groups. A name like Free Tibet is just too confusing.” Dr Winston say he considers “politicians travel to be important for Australia. The MPs are racking up more frequent flyer points than Hell’s Angels on their way to a bikie beat-down.”

A fight has erupted between different religious and race groups over the naming of the Easter favourite ‘Hot Cross Buns’.

Christian groups have been battling with large chain Supermarkets who have chosen the more secular ‘Easter Bun’ in naming their baked goods over the traditional ‘Hot Cross Bun’. A spokesperson for Woolworths stated that ‘we wanted to include everyone in celebrating our buns’. It’s not an anti-Christian stance he maintains, ‘we want to be inclusive in a multicultural society and we think that means removing the cross’.

Atheist groups have praised the move, saying that it is ‘a decisive victory for common sense’. Agnostic groups say they would have liked to have seen ‘the cross replaced with a question mark’.

Equal rights groups have denounced the ‘Easter Bun’ as inherently racist. ‘Why’, they ask, ‘is the little piece of black fruit or chocolate completely surrounded and overpowered by the white dough’.

The Klu Klux Klan has also weighed into the debate stating that they agree with Woolworth’s move. Grand Dragon Rufus Ackerman says ‘it is copyright infringement of our most famous trademark. Any hot, warm, singed or burning cross is synonymous with the expression of Klan beliefs’.

Resident of Paddington Gavin Barclay, was involved in an altercation with neighbour Tom Deloney, earlier this week.

The fight erupted after a series of noise complaints resulted in a confrontation at the front of Mr Deloney’s house. In the ensuing fracas Mr Barclay was punched in the face.

Psychologist Sandra Marshall says this display of aggression is not an isolated incident and is occurring in a number of Sydney’s ‘pink’ suburbs.

Marshall states that it “is the pressure of society to conform to ‘normal values’, especially here in Sydney” that is the cause and that “it is very unhealthy for young men”.

These violent tendencies seem to be becoming more common. Marshall identifies both “pressure from magazines and peer groups”. She also recognises “the encroaching identity crisis as lifestyle groups such as metrosexuals gain prominence in the media, society and inner-city bars.

Barclay has accused Deloney of being a closet heterosexual he told the media “no gay could throw that kind of punch”.